By Joe Schartz
The following column appeared in the Trojan Tribune in January, 2010:
Dear Mr. President,
I take the time to write to you today to wish you a happy anniversary as you celebrate an entire year in the Oval Office. On January 20 of last year, the world watched as you took oath of the highest office in the land, and we were extremely relieved to hear your message of change, hope and inspiration.
Sure, I wish I was the one taking that oath, but hey, it’s all water under the bridge, right?
I am proud of what we have gained under your leadership, Mr. President. I mean, take the war, for example. I know I voted to go in there guns blazin’ in the first place, and then promised to withdraw, but you on the other hand—you dazzling bundle of cuteness—you made the awesome decision to not only go against the will of the people, but your own generals, (gutsy move pal). And look how it’s paid off already…sort of…we are winning, right?
Oh well, forget about the war. Look at this great economy you saved! It was about to collapse, but you created jobs, and unemployment is at a mere…oops…but the deficit has been shrunk to a tiny…let’s not go there…and spending has been totally under control…ha, who am I even kidding?
But hey, forget about that stuff. Look at your domestic accomplishments! You PROMISED the American people to pass a health care bill before 2010, and you did…almost…ok, not quite…But you did shut down Guantanamo Bay (Kalid Sheikh Muhammad sends his regards)…okay, put that on the to-do list for next year…well, at least you followed through your campaign promise to put a stop to congressional earmarks…hey now, nobody’s perfect, maybe next term…there were only 9,000 of them in that stimulus bill, right?
Okay, so I struck out three times, but you’ve always got me pal. I give up grudges against people pretty quickly…sometimes. Say, Joe Biden and I chipped in to get you these anniversary presents:
-10% unemployment
-50% disapproval rating (you and George Bush could form a club!)
-Huge deficit
-Inflation
-Cute collar for that dog of yours
Oh, and I’m also sending you one of my new “Hillary ‘12” t-shirts!
Happy Anniversary, Barry. Just remember, keep working hard, or you may end up in that unemployment office yourself!
With love and affection,
Hillary Rodham Clinton
Congratulations on the inauguration of your Web site, Joe! I'm happy and proud to be your first follower. I'm just amazed and so proud at what you have accomplished in your first year as a journalist, and I count myself lucky to work with you as your teacher/adviser. Here's to getting more and more people (especially young people) interested in our government and its workings. Our country will be a better place because of young people like you!
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